i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
