so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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