I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
