i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
