i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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