So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
