On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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