Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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