I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
