Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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