my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
