the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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