You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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