I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
