Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize