Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize