i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
3pm strippers are depressing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
