just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
