Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
