i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
