Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
