Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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