even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
