Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
