My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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