Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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