His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
