just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
