No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
