is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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