I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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