If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize