You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I color on your dick again?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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