Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
