puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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