mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
