He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
