I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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