I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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