found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
