i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
