No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
