i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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