just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
