he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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