can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
