i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
