my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How's work?
Spinning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
