I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize