so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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