I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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