You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
