i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
