I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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