i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
