hotel room ftw
it's like iHOP with fire
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
