Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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