So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
