I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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