i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
