She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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