I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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