My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
