he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
