Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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