Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
