You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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