We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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