GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize