4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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